Thursday, January 26, 2012

All the Plausible Nightmares: Difficulties with Death

I wrote this a few months ago, for another blog, but I find myself feeling the same sort of angst over this card again today...I am not feeling quite so despondent over it as I was then, but still - what the fuck, cards? What does this mean?

I'm going to spend the whole day looking over my shoulder and that's something I despise.


Sunday, January 22, 2012

I dream of knitting.

For what it's worth, I don't knit, but I think I should take it up.

I am sitting in some sort of living room knitting with two friends, one on my right side and one on my left. We're sitting in a vaguely circular pattern. At some point we are at my grandmothers' house. (She doesn't knit either.)

We are each making a pair of gloves. Mine is ivory colored. Left-side friend's pair is green, and right-side friend's is black. RSF is struggling with his pair, as his right hand/wrist is broken.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Full Moon Forecast

I use a constantly evolving version of the Astrological reading out of Keywords for my monthly forecast - it prevents that unfortunate, "Wow, that Hanged Man could be about anything" that often occurs with a less specific reading.

This one is bound to be interesting, because I was so not in my body or my mind or my life when I pulled them.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The 10 of W(arning)

I've tried hard, my darlings, to embrace the idea that there are No Bad Cards. You've heard it, I'm sure, in books and lectures and mild scoldings from the Older, Wiser reader who noticed your furrowed brow when you drew the 9 of Swords.

It is, as we say in corporate America, a process. (By that, we normally mean that it's pointless and futile and not generally worth pursuing.)

These cards, these Not Bad cards, the ones that make me want to give up and go back to bed, include things like The Hanged Man, and most of the Swords. I just don't dig Swords. In addition, until recently, that list also included the 10 of Wands.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

pop goes my brain

I have spent the last 20 hours debating with myself how, or even if, I might write about the last 20 hours. Words feel cumbersome and pointless; if you were here I'd hold a piece of the way I feel in my hands, let you touch it.

I feel confident that somehow you'd understand.

In lieu of that, I guess I will have to try at words.  I know this is probably really incoherent, but I also think it's important to write it down, for my sake if for no other reason.

Monday, January 9, 2012

when you don't want to go to church

One early-drinking afternoon a few years ago, a few friends were gathered in the living room of the shithole of an apartment I currently inhabited. Two of them were trying to have an Important Conversation - actually, one, Elsie, was attempting to have an Important Conversation. Dan was attempting to evade it, and focus on his can of cold beer. They regarded each other with the kind of awkward intimacy that only comes from a friendship developed in childhood and carried through to a mostly subtextual but generally unresolved sexual tension.

Elsie wouldn't let up. Dan needed to come back to church. They'd gone together for years, and in the midst of some serious personal drama, he'd stopped. "I just don't feel," he said, slowly, staring her straight in the beer, "That I should be going to church right now."

Sunday, January 8, 2012

COTD: The 8 of Disks

The 8 of Disks suggests, to me, discernment. Carefulness. Watchfulness and patience and reserve.

Attributes that most of my dearest ones would admit, even after a moment of discomfort, that I lack.

Also, I'd much rather be running amok today, kicking ass and/or taking names and/or drinking something fruity with an umbrella. Those 8 Disks are surveying me, now, with mild horror. (They're not capable of any other kind.)

Also, there is a lot on my plate today, so I wonder - do I have to 8 of Disks everything? (This where I try to get another answer, because... I don't want to. I don't want to listen to the cards and sit still, on my hands, not talking, today. I don't want to stay home and be careful about everything.

So I did a whole 10-card about where I am right now.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Naming the Year

One Word 365: a call to simplification, to focus. Forget your resolutions, forget your plans and lists and whatever else.  Pick a word, just one word, for the whole year.

A mantra, a shield, a thing to cling to against the forces that rage and push and distract. Just one thing.

I am prone to starting too many projects at once. I am guarding against it.

But.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Here Comes the Sun (of Employment Termination)

My card of the day, yesterday, was The Sun, which could mean, "chill the fuck out and enjoy your day," or "chill the fuck out and focus on your ascension," either of which is totally fine with me.

I can do both at once; I'm cool like that.

So I didn't let traffic bother me, or being two minutes late. I didn't get too harsh with myself over the $5 mocha I couldn't really afford but really wanted. Focus on The Sun. It was actually sunny out, and that made it all easier.

And then... I got fired.

I got fired for the first time ever. I'd never been fired before.

And my first thought was, "Sweet. Now I can go home and sleep." (This was a second job, not my primary employment.)

My only concern is that in my annual reading (which I ought to post here, for reference) my card regarding all things of the Second House is The Sun, too, so... let's just hope the shortest path to happiness and/or acension isn't always getting canned.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Sadly Uninteresting Story of a Chronic Procrastinator (NYNY)

I've been thinking about this prompt since it went up, and it's been rather obscenely difficult to for me to decide what to write about.

Could it be that I'm just so on top of everything that there's really nothing that's been relegated to the back burner/top shelf/dusty recesses of hypothetical future to-do lists?

Resounding "no." That could not be it. The issue here is, in fact, that I put off everything.