The 10 of W(arning)

I've tried hard, my darlings, to embrace the idea that there are No Bad Cards. You've heard it, I'm sure, in books and lectures and mild scoldings from the Older, Wiser reader who noticed your furrowed brow when you drew the 9 of Swords.

It is, as we say in corporate America, a process. (By that, we normally mean that it's pointless and futile and not generally worth pursuing.)

These cards, these Not Bad cards, the ones that make me want to give up and go back to bed, include things like The Hanged Man, and most of the Swords. I just don't dig Swords. In addition, until recently, that list also included the 10 of Wands.



The 10 of Wands was like a great big "Fuck you!" first thing in the morning. It said, "don't bother," "not happening," "get over it," and a lot of other pretty nasty shit that I really don't need to be told pre-caffeine. Spoiler: if you tell me not to bother with my day, I won't. I will just give up and try again tomorrow. Maybe. At my worst I am extremely self-defeating and terrifically lazy. It doesn't take much to convince me that shit is Just Not Worth It.

Keywords tells me that the 10 of Wands is in part about "recognizing one's own limitations." Crowley says that "[i]t is a stupid and obstinate cruelty from which there is no escape." These two messages are enough to bring out the most fatalistic writhing of which I am capable. My own limitations! I'm nothing but limitations! Didn't you hear him? There is no escape! I am a prisoner of my own "dull purpose." (Crowley again.)

My last 10 of Wands day taught me something important, though. It just clicked, the way these things sometime do. Back off. That was it. Just back off. Be easy. If the gas station looks too crowded, go to another one. If she doesn't want to talk about it, let it go. That day turned out pretty well.

I pulled the 10 of Wands again today. I'll admit, I struggled a bit with the "fuck it all!" interpretation. I had a hard time getting motivated to go to work. I had a hard time being motivated at work, but that's been a problem for the last couple of days, partially as a result of my full moon work.

But I was full of evening plans. I had a training session scheduled to go until 8, after which I planned to grocery shop and then head over to my parents' house to hang out with my mom and test cake recipes until the wee hours of the morning, and then head home.

We got done at 8:40, and by that time it had started to snow. It wasn't much snow, though. It was barely a dusting. I pointed myself towards the grocery store, and had driven maybe half a mile in the second-to-right lane when a pickup truck two cards ahead of me, in the far right lane of the highway, made a slow, graceful arc across four lanes of traffic and slammed into the dividing wall. As he started his spin, I thought, "What on earth is he doing?!" It took me a moment to realize that it wasn't a calculated move. The precise physics required for him to not hit me? And me to not hit him?

I cancelled my plans. I got off the highway and meandered slowly home. I said fuck the grocery store and fuck the test cakes. I had a few more (terrifying) close calls, but managed to escape unharmed. It took me over an hour to make what should have been a 20-25 minute drive The Ganesha on the dash and the recently completed car-protection talisman hummed gently the whole way.

That, I believe, my dears, is the lesson of the 10 of Wands.  Back off. Be easy. Go home. Not, actually, a bad card.