I Am Feprot's Candle

Subtitle 1, Experiments in Instant Magick

Subtitle 2, A Prelude to Actually Talking About Project Null

Subtitle 3, Shit That Happens When You Have to Drive but Are Way Too Tired

Subtitle 4, This is Aradia on Chaos Magick

A friend of mine gave me a reading this morning over coffee. The reading included one of my favorites - the 9 of Swords. The 9 of Swords in her deck, though (which is not one I'm incredibly familiar with or can even remember the name of) is an interesting version: a woman standing on the edge of a rooftop with her eyes closed.

"She should, you know," said the friend to me, "Probably open her eyes."

random dreamy weirdness

I an in a store - pet food, people food, something. I can't be sure. There are only huge bags of food, labeled with simple names. Some of them are single ingredients, corn or flour or peas, and some of them are mixtures of things, like Rice Blueberry Seed. The bags are the color of brown paper, nearly the size of a queen sized mattress, and stacked up on very tall shelves all throughout this huge store.

Wednesday is FML

1) Possible: 5 of Swords - Defeat

Seriously?! I am so tired of you, 5 of Swords. It's not like I am sitting about doing nothing at all. I don't know WTF you want from me.

Nothing like the universe saying, "Well, you're pretty much a complete failure, so..." to get your morning started. FUCK YOU SWORDS.

2) Important: Prince of Cups

I don't feel like being conniving and merciless today. Conjuring the energy to do that is going to take some work.

3) Courageous: 8 of Cups - Indolence

Two options: 1) Give up now. Really. It's your best bet. 2) Actually deal with some lingering emotional drama, i.e., actually go to this meeting this morning re: getting back into school. The entire school question is a giant 8 of Cups.

4) Futile: V - The Hierophant

Now I lean towards the "give up" interpretation of position number 3, because this cards here says that interactions with authority will be fruitless. Translation: meeting with the registrar will be a waste of my time.

5) Necessary: Princess of Disks

Intuition says: perseverance. But this reading has already told me to give up three times. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, cards.

6) Joyful: III - The Empress

Why you gotta give me the Princess of Disks and the Empress in the same reading?  Really?

7) Funny: Ace of Swords

I finally make the decision to make the school thing happen and it turns out to be completely impossible? That is funny. Or not.

8) Helpful: Prince of Wands

Being an asshole. Got it.

Today sucks

Tuesday is blargh!

1) Possible: XI - Lust

Energy. Drive. Getting shit done. Passionate pursuit of things I want. Alternately, it is possible to get what I want today. Which is exciting.

Determining what I actually want out of today would be the challenge. Things to work on: this.

"everyone's got a Monday..."

1) Possible: XX - The Aeon.

Are you serious? It's Monday, for fuck's sake. Nothing of actual importance ever happens on a Monday. Mostly to busy trying to avoid the mundane terrors that are conjured by the thoughts and fears of an entire populace concerning Monday as a mythical sort of beast intent on destroying us all.

But I like Aeons, mostly. I like the promise that this particular set of terrors is to an end, that there is something coming of it. It's tidy, and hopeful, and I've got way too many planets in Virgo and Sag to not be drawn to tidy, hopeful things.

Sunday

1) Possible: 5 of Swords - Defeat

Crowley: "Weakness rather than excess of strength seems to be the cause of the disaster....The defeat is due to pacifism."

I am pretty familiar with this one. A phone call not made or an errand avoided turns into some kind of mess.

What type of defeat/what thing needs to be dealt with? The Princess of Swords. Crowley again: "She is firm and aggressive, with great practical wisdom and subtlety in material things."

Oh, right. ALL OF THE THINGS. Just handle it. WTF, cards?

The Necessary Tower

I spent much of yesterday ISO the Tower that showed up in my reading for the day. I told myself I would embrace it, given the chance.

I have an almost unlimited appetite for Towers and Aeons and indications that radical transformation is on the way. I am always looking for (r)evolution. Give me some moldavite and and initiatory vision and a new metaphor for death and rebirth any day. Let's fuck shit up. Let's burn it down.

Eventually, so goes the theory, one of these Big Bad Fundamental Shifts will leave me with something that's you know, actually workable. Something that I can poke and tweak into the life/mind/paradigm I want.