New Year, New You: Making Way

Since I'm running behind on these prompts, and have postponed laundry plans in favor of drinking a whole pot of peppermint tea, now seems just as good a time as any to dive into my next post.

This type of prep work is difficult for me, primarily because my life up until this point has been an exercise in not actually pursuing any goals until all of my shit is together. I can't, you know, really have a serious spiritual practice, or devote any time to writing, or think about my future career, or have kids, or go back to school, until all of my ducks line up in a row waiting for instructions.  Right?

Unfortunately, in my world, all or nothing usually means nothing. If I can't start until I've finished, I am caught in a conundrum that Lazy Me finds particularly soothing, because there's really not much point in trying. (Self-defeating? Me? Never!)

Fortunately, though, exploring this great gray area between all or nothing is already on my list of not-quite-yet articulated goals, and this is a great way to begin.



Deborah breaks this aspect of the challenge into three subsections: cleaning house, time management, and internal nasty dramas. These are three of my very favorite things to avoid!

Part 1: Cleaning

My place is kind of a disaster. I say kind of because I had it all (mostly) picked up for a party last weekend. Of course, it wasn't exactly organized so now it's all back to craptastic.  And I've been sick and busy and *excuses.*

Also, there is the bane of my existence: my bedroom. My bedroom has not actually been cleaned or organized since I moved into this apartment 2.5 years ago. I am not exaggerating. The times in my life during which any bedroom that belonged to me has been cleaned or organized exist as brief, blissful, shining moments of memory.

I am so down with the concept that one's space must be in order if one hopes to maintain a magical practice, or an organized mind, or any sort of emotional health whatsoever. I feel like shit when my place is a mess. My place is a mess much of the time. You do the math.

Getting all fluffed up and determined and declaring that I am going to get everything clean and organized right now before moving on to the next step is so exactly me. So I'm not doing that. I'm taking the Deborah's FlyLady suggestion. I am signed up for the e-mails, and going to work my way through the Baby Steps, one at a time, starting today.

Magic/energetic cleansing is currently tied in with my cleaning process, such as it exists.  Of course, I usually don't get to the magic part until everything else is done, and I've already said that I'm going to do the mundane cleaning a bit at a time.  This is something to ponder further?

Part 2: Time Management

Oh, struggle of struggles. Let us be realistic, kids: I hate time management. I hate schedules. I hate appointments. I also hate always being behind and disorganized.

I am currently working two jobs, soon to be three. I am also still debating the possibility of signing up for (just one!) class this semester. And I've got volunteer work that I am doing. If I have any hope of surviving, I will need to figure out a way to manage my time more effectively. I know this.

Here are the things I must do:

1) Use a planner to keep track of appointments, work schedules, and obligations.
2) Develop a regular routine for mornings and evenings, which might change depending on my work schedule.
3) Limit the time I spend mindlessly hanging out online.  (In other words, unless I am actually working on a coherent task, get off of the damn computer.)
4) Reserve at least 30 minutes per day for meditation/ritual/something, and 30 minutes for some other productive thing. Like: writing. Like: yoga. Like: something creative or joyful or active or lovely.

You might ask, in all fairness, whether or not all three jobs are actually necessary.  I have decided that, perhaps, the answer is yes.  I am still evaluating.

Part 3: Internal Nasty Dramas


I have so many of these, my darlings. I am an internal nasty drama generator. I feel some days that I am just a bunch of baggage wearing a human suit.

Those are the bad days, but still.

I spend a lot of time arguing with myself and analyzing my baggage and going back and forth and working through it. It might even be fair to say that I am working on addressing a lot of my issues head-on, right now, that I am engaging with them and have taken the gloves off and am prepared to do some serious ass-kicking.  I am not going to get into details, right now, that can come later.  In the meantime, a few tasks for the tasking:

1) Commit. In other words, stop entertaining the angry inner voices that I know do me little good. Do not invite them in, make them tea, or otherwise pander to their obviously caustic intentions.

2) Open. Engage fully. Shutting down and closing off is not the way to handle this particular struggle.

3) Communicate. Follow through, clarify, resolve. Some of the things that are eating me right now are doing so because I am not addressing them, because respect and self-sacrifice feel so similar so much of the time.

This whole entry sounds a little bit like "how I am going to fix everything, starting with my life," but that is kind of the point. I'm just not resolving to do it all today.